Yay, I survived Week 1 of my Detox! I’d love to give you a cyber high-five but that would mean I’d have to raise my hand in the air, and I am not sure I have enough energy to do that right now. While I lost three and a half pounds in my first week, the only victory that I will claim is that I am still alive to tell my story. And the only thing I can think to do with this three and a half (can’t forget the half!) pound weight loss is buy smaller sized pajamas, because I have no interest in doing anything other than lay in bed.
By the beginning of week 2, I was really struggling to find new sources of protein, especially ones that weren’t so bulky. I mean, how many grilled chicken cutlets and pork chops can a girl eat in a day? And I have had my fill of prepackaged, wet, uncured, organic cold cuts. I am not a big fan of having to blot my deli meat before I eat it. When I mentioned this to Linda at our check-in meeting, she was more than happy to walk me to the make-shift mini-mart in her office that was stocked full of protein snacks, bars, and drinks. At this point I was willing to try anything that was going to make it easier to get through the second week and on to the next phase. I was physically tired, tired of eating, and tired of not being able to go to the bathroom. I felt like garbage…literally.  I continued to shove food into my body and nothing was coming out, like a tall kitchen garbage bag that always seems to have more room, but in reality should have been taken to the dump a long time ago.
As I browsed the shelves, Linda made sure to point out all the best sellers – sea salt chips, blondies, lemon pound cake, fettuccini alfredo and mint chocolate protein bars. Huh? Chips…cake…pasta? Aren’t these all the foods that I am trying to avoid?   She assured me that these were program approved, and were “good” sources of protein. What she failed to mention was that I was going to be paying $3.95 for a snack bag size of pea protein chips, and $4.95 for a brownie that tastes like it was made from the protein shake that I still can’t get down (or talk about).
While I was a little surprised at the selections, I just assumed that these foods were for people like me that were in the initial phase and needed some help getting through it in the short-term.  I also assumed that as I learned more about nutrition, food combinations and how to “eat for the rest of my life” (as they had claimed), the fake food would go away and be replaced with real, whole foods (not ones that came out of a box or a wrapper). Well Linda quickly squashed that fantasy for me when she told me a story about one her long-time patients that was in the “maintenance phase” (reached goal weight, now trying to maintain it) who recently went on a trip to Europe. The woman proudly sent Linda a picture of her eating one of the doctor-approved blondies, while her family indulged in a local delicacy. Linda thought it so fantastic that her client was able to resist the local fare, I kind of felt sorry for her. Linda wasn’t teaching her a new way of life or a better way to eat or about moderation, she was just selling her program approved products that resembled all of her favorites and encouraging all of the same behaviors that got her there in the first place. I understand that indulging in that one “real” dessert could have sent her on a food-bender, but I guess I was hoping that her client would have been given the tools to make better choices.
Even with these thoughts of doubt and disappointment in the back of my mind, I was determined to make it through the second detox week and to the consultation with Dr. M to go through my bloodwork. Part of me still wanted to believe that this lifestyle was going to work, and that I had found “the light.” And when that wasn’t enough to get me through, the blogger inside of me was motivated to see how it all played out so I could share all the character I had built through this experience.
At the end of the week, my husband and I went with our kids for a quick weekend getaway to Upstate New York. Knowing that we would be doing a lot of walking, I was relieved that my energy was starting to come around. I certainly was not at 100%, but I could at least mentally make it up a flight of stairs without stopping. My clothes were even fitting better than they did just a few days ago, which was perfect timing because had I bought a fun summer dress that I wanted to wear to show off my thinner shape. Before I left for the weekend, I had made a conscious decision that I was going to do my best to follow the program, but I certainly wasn’t going to bring my food scale with me and I certainly was going to have a drink or two. I was not going to be like Linda’s other client and sit at dinner sipping a seltzer while my husband was enjoying a nice crisp white wine out on the patio of one of our favorite restaurants on a hot summer night. I wasn’t rewarding myself with food, I was being realistic.
On Monday, I met with Linda for my 2-week check-in and to close the detox chapter. “OK, let’s jump on the scale and see how you did this week!” she said all cheerfully. I get on the scale and see that I lost more weight – yay! While I’m celebrating, I hear Linda say “Huh? Only down a half pound. What happened??? Why don’t you have a seat so we can talk about what went wrong.”  Wrong?  What do you mean? I lost weight. What’s wrong with that?
As she is flipping through my journal, she is interrogating me. “Did you weigh everything? Did you eat all your food? Did you eat anything that wasn’t on the approved list?” I am starting to feel uncomfortable, as if I am being audited and waiting for her to find something. When she gets to the weekend pages, she stops “what happened here?” as she points to the blank pages. I told her I went away for the weekend with my family, but stuck with the program as best as I could. “Oh, here we go…this is what I am looking for. What did you eat? Did you have a drink?” Trying my best to avoid eye contact, I admitted that I had two glasses of wine. I was actually starting to feel ashamed, like I had betrayed her. She was pretty firm with me and you could tell she was disappointed. “You completely took yourself out of the fat burning stage. You know, it takes your liver about two days to process all the complex sugars in alcohol.” And then I thought, “yes, but it only takes about 30 minutes and two glasses of wine for me not to hear my kids bicker anymore.”
At the end of our meeting all she could say to me was “Well at least you didn’t gain. You’re going to have to work harder next week.” Harder? Seriously? The only thing harder than sticking with this program was trying to go to the bathroom. And that’s when I knew that this wasn’t for me. I was looking to be part of a much different community: one that educates, supports their members, and promotes a healthier lifestyle; not one that pushes their products and promotes intolerance. The only thing I had left to do is meet with Dr. M to go through my bloodwork, and while I wait, I think I may go have a glass of wine. Cheers.
To see how my detox journey began, start here…My Breaking Point and then head to Detox This – Week 1!