A couple days before Christmas, my friend Amy and I met for (what turned out to be a liquid) lunch…a little present to ourselves before we finished up all our last minute holiday chores – shopping for presents, shopping for food, wrapping the presents, preparing the food…you get the idea. As we dove into our second glass of wine, I was telling her about all the plans I had between Christmas and New Year’s. My most exciting day would be spent purging my closets, drawers, and the basement. Day in and day out, I continuously pass over so many of my clothes, but still hang on to them. For what? Not completely sure. I think in many cases I believe that I should look good in them, but in reality, I have no business wearing them. As for the basement, it is filled with random furniture that we have amassed over the years from various sources – college, hand-me-downs, first house, garage sales. We have no place for any of it in the rest of the house, and I have reached the point where it all just makes me angry when I see it sitting there.   As I imagine my overflowing closet of ill-fitting clothes and my basement that only hoarders would appreciate, I start to feel anxious and overwhelmed at what I am taking on – where do I even start? I also I feel a pang of self-pity because I have just admitted that my biggest (and most exciting!) plans before the new year were to clean my house. I try to calm my anxiety by focusing on how cathartic it feels when it’s over, the feeling of a larger, more organized house. At which time Amy (and this is why I love her) admitted to me that during her train ride home from work, she often reads The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo. It’s her little book of zen and by just simply reading about being organized she feels calmer. I felt like hugging her – You get me! I’m not alone!  The premise of the book is pretty simple – keep things that “spark joy” and purge things that don’t…with more of a focus on what brings joy. With this new found “filter” I was ready to go…Does this bring me Joy? Yes – Keep;  No – Out of the house by December 31st!
I started with the land of misfit furniture in the basement, as I knew there would be less decisions to make and I would have more immediate gratification. I had made a conscious decision that now that I am my 40’s, I should no longer have a futon in my house, especially not the one that was in my college dorm room. And I definitely should not have any furniture that is held together with dowels and put together with an Allen wrench (outside of my kid’s bedrooms). So when I took a quick glance at what was in the poorly lit, dank basement, I was not surprised that was joyless. Not even a twinkle.  My mother had told me about a service she had used recently – Junkluggers – where they do just that…lug your junk. They come to your house, look at your stuff, give you an estimate, and then haul it away on the spot if you agree on the price. I went online and made an appointment for the next morning. By 11am my basement was clean and I was beaming with Joy!
Next up, clothes…I knew this was going to be more difficult, as I was going to have to give up some of my old favorites that have just overstayed their welcome. I’d also have to admit to myself that some clothes would never fit again, some clothes should never have been brought home, as they didn’t fit in the first place, some clothes are no longer appropriate, and some clothes were never appropriate. Just to give you an idea, here are some of the more interesting items I found:
Never Fit Again: Under Armour Pink, Blue & Black striped (quasi animal print) exercise pants (by my description, these could also fit into the “never should have been picked up to begin with” category). I tried them on expecting that they were still good, but much to my surprise, once on, they were no longer brightly colored Pink, Blue & Black. The colors were much softer and muted, and there were white stripes running through them. Where’d the white come from? you may ask…Well, the material was pulled SO tight that the stripes spread apart, diluting the bold colors and the white Spandex lining of the pants was showing through the newly parted stripes around my butt, thighs and calves. There is no doubt that I need to get back to the gym, just not in those pants. Joy? Nope!
Should Never Have Been Brought Home…Didn’t Fit in the First Place:  Calvin Klein Seductive Comfort Customized Lift Bra in purple gem. Sounds sexy, right? The color was beautiful and it made me feel pretty. In the dressing room it looked great, it did exactly what it advertised – lifted me up (literally and emotionally). In hindsight though, I knew I forced it. I loved the color and the fact that I could actually “sort-of” fit in this cute little bra. In reality though, the only person that would be turned on or found this look attractive would be a butcher. Because either the top of the demi cup cut my two breasts into four, or the bra rode up and cut off the bottom of my breast, leaving them to hang there like two chicken tenderloins. Joy? Not for this chick!
No Longer Appropriate:  Black Juicy Couture Velour Joggers (read: really expensive sweatpants). I remember buying these years ago at Bloomingdale’s, feeling so on-trend and so proud that I owned something that had “couture” in the name. And even better was the fact that everyone would know they were the real deal, well everyone behind me anyway, because Juicy was plastered on the backside of the pants in black metallic. In reality, I think I only ended up wearing them once or twice, and the second time was only in the house because deep down I knew they weren’t appropriate. I was a new mom trying to figure out my new shape, but more importantly, I was trying really hard (too hard) to be seen as a cool and trendy mom. But now, I think having the word Juicy plastered on my butt really should only be used as a warning to others that either I have a stomach virus, or that I have eaten too many WOW potato chips. Joy?  I’m running away from these!
Never Appropriate:  Adult Sized Fleece Onesie Pajamas…they were big and white, zipped up the front, and had feeties. If that doesn’t sound horrible enough, they had red kisses all over them. A few years ago, when my daughter was 7 or 8, she gave these to me for Christmas. When I opened them, I was horrified and thought/hoped that they were a joke. She was so proud because she had picked them out herself and thought that they were “so fun.” I can’t blame her because she was young and innocent, I really blame my mother for this one, as she was the one who put down her credit card to actually make these happen.
Dear Mom,  If you love me and ever want me to be intimate with my husband again, please do not ever buy me a onesie. Love, Missy
Joy? Maybe now that it’s out of my bedroom!
Wishing you all Peace, Love, Good Health and Joy for 2017 – Happy New Year Everyone!
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