I recently received an email at work from a vendor that wanted to set up a WebEx with me to demo a new software solution that he was pitching. Instead of accepting his invitation and getting his hopes up, I was honest and told him that we were actually looking to reduce spending and that I didn’t want to waste his time. Much to my surprise, I got back an e-mail from him thanking me! He was thanking me for being so transparent and direct. Huh? Usually I am being accused of being direct, like it’s a bad thing, a flaw. I’m rarely ever appreciated for my personality; despite the fact that I believe it is a gift.
I have become so accustomed to starting my sentences with “I tend to be direct,” to give the person I am talking to a heads up for what’s about to happen, or ending with that, followed by an apology and an “I should have warned you.” But isn’t being direct better than the alternative? Isn’t it better to have a real conversation versus pussy-footing around what you really want to say, giving half-truths and not being yourself for the sake of others.
I come from a long line of direct, blunt, can’t keep our mouths shut, opinionated, gottahave the last word, kind of women, and I am not apologetic. Women like me are good to have around, and hard to find. I will tell you the truth when you ask for my opinion especially when you really need an honest answer. “Yes, you look like a whore in that faux-fur vest and leather leggings” (not always a bad thing), or “No, those jeans won’t stretch, they have nowhere else to go”, and “Yes I did hear that…and now I can smell it”.
And in some cases, I will tell you things that you didn’t ask about, but you need to know. Things like “You have lipstick on your teeth”, or “Your zipper is broken and I can see your thong”, or even “Your workout pants become sheer when you bend like that.” Other women will let you go all day with blood on your pants, chia seeds in your teeth, and showing-off your hooch to every person that passes you in the gym, as you finish your workout with a good stretch. How is that better?
Now, I will be honest, there are some cases when my gift is just for me. Let’s take the other day in the kitchen with my husband, as an example. For what feels like months now, my husband has been slurping his morning coffee. Not just the first sip, like the first eight sips. I have been silent, and just internalizing it. At first I would just push through it, silently counting every sip…six… seven…eight. But now my thoughts have grown to Really? Is it really THAT hot…really? EVERY sip? So being who I am, I just told him how I felt, in my own little way. “You know honey, I was just thinking, if we didn’t have kids, I might consider leaving you if you continue to slurp your coffee like that.” He was a little stunned, but he got the message and I got my present…silence.
While I believe my husband is co-founding a support group with my step-father for the husbands of the wives in my family, I also truly believe that a direct approach should be more appreciated. In the words of my soon to be 90 year old Nana, “Would you rather I lied?”